Monday, 24 September 2012

After the Burnout

For the third time now, my latest Blast! concert endeavor has come to an end and like every other major event in my life, here lies the blogpost recounting my journey.

This SUAD journey is slightly different from my previous concert experiences thus far. This is the first concert which really burnt me out completely. My first SUAD concert I did one item and the only extra academic work I had was CS2020. My first EMCC concert a semester later I did two items and had a rather normal workload for an SoC student. This time around I was doing four items while having to juggle Rag commitments for the first half of practices and CS3216 commitments for the second half. It didn't help at all that I was a lot more committed to Rag this year than I was when I was doing EMCC last year.

I've detailed quite a bit of this in an earlier blogpost so I won't repeat myself too much. After the second vetting, I somehow managed to catch up with most of the choreo and I felt a little better with myself. All was good until our first full dress rehearsal the day before the concert. Like all the practices and runs before that, I tried my best and gave what I thought was my best on stage but during the debrief after our stage run, a couple of my choreographers told us that that was perhaps one of our worst runs to date. Those words weighed a lot on me. I had a midterm test on the morning of the concert and I hadn't even begun to study for it yet I still couldn't bear to screw up the concert. Right then, I felt the lowest I have ever felt in a very long time. Thankfully, the dance captain, Glenn, and some of the alumni posted some words of encouragement on the club's facebook group and I managed to get back on my feet quickly enough for my midterms in the morning (which I believe I managed to do well enough for =D).

And then here we are, concert night. To be brutally honest to myself, I wasn't happy with how I performed during the concert at all. My first item went pretty well but it only went downhill from there. Throughout my second item, both my legs felt like they were going to give way at any time and I couldn't give it my everything on stage (the minor wardrobe malfunction of my scarf coming undone didn't help at all). My third item felt like a complete disaster because halfway through the song I completely bombed almost an entire eight because my muscle memory didn't kick in. The last item offered a little bit of redemption as it went off without any major hitches despite being the item that I was most concerned with. It just hurts me quite a bit to know that I tried my best for this concert given my other priorities yet I still fell short and there was nothing I could do about it.

At the end of it all, I'm just glad that SUAD is over. Don't get me wrong. I honestly believe the biggest purpose of joining Blast! is to participate in concerts and concerts are the platforms where all Blast!ards learn the most and bond the most but between this and my all other commitments, I'm more glad that I finally have time to do all the work that I've been needing to get done. I've loved every moment I've had in SUAD and now it's over and it's time to move on.

Though the following people will probably never read this blogpost, I still would like to express my thanks to my choreographers:-

Thank you Jasper for choreographing such a dope item. I'm glad that you decided to push us to our limits and allowed us to grow as dancers. I feel a bit sad that SUAD made you feel a little jaded nearing the end and if it is worth anything, I would like to say that I'll always be proud of being part of Team Testosterone =D

Thank you Chii Tarng and Weina for choreographing such a suave item. Chii Tarng, your stage presence is really an inspiration to us all and it gives us something to look up to not just as dancers but as performers as well. Weina, thanks for your frankness and attention to picking out our mistakes. It really helps a lot when I'm trying to identify the areas which I need to work on as far as the choreography is concerned.

Thank you Ahmad for choreographing such a cool item. Ever since you've taught me in JC, I have always looked up to your insane musicality. It's a little sad that I couldn't do more of your item but to be fair to you, I wasn't fully committed to your item so I understand your choice to block me out. Thank you for believing in me for the stunt (even though it turned out half-fuck in the end) and I apologise for all the shit that I gave you through over these few months.

Last but not least, thank you Pat for choreographing such an awesome finale item. I truly sympathise with the problem of terrible attendance you faced over the holidays but in the end it truly impresses me how you managed to create such a great performance which so little preparation. It was truly a fun item to be a part of. Thank you for also believing in me even though I always forget your steps every now and then.

I do not know when the next time I get to perform for Blast! will be because I will be missing the next concert thanks to SEP. This SUAD may have left me a little jaded and tired but nevertheless I will always look forward to doing better in the next concert. My next concert will most probably be my last so I have one last shot to become a dope legend in Blast! >.<

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